Did you ever hear that the original title for the one and only Beastie Boy’s 1994 masterpiece Ill Communication was Nine Pound Cocksmucker? You probably never have, mostly because it’s not true. The Nine Pound Cocksmucker was what we called (amongst ourselves) the HUGE pizza that a great late night pizza joint, Adriatico’s , had several years back. It would feed three of us assholes for days after we’d initially order it– usually after the bars closed. One of my roommates, Micah, on such an occasion was particularly drunk and horny for pizza and he decided to make the necessary phone call. We could only hear his end:
“I WANT THE NINE POUND COCKSMUCKER!”
“THE NINE POUND COCKSMUCKER!”
“Listen, we order it all the time…THE NINE POUND COCKSMUCKER!!!!!!!!”
Someone grabbed the phone from Micah and we did get the order in, thanks to what must have been saint like patience from the employee on the other end of the call. AND, in about 45 minutes we had our cheesy, delicious, and huge Nine Pound Cocksmucker.
If there is an album that has the power and fun to be called the Nine Pound Cocksmucker I think it could be The Beastie’s Ill Communication. It starts off as good as any album ever has with Sure Shot and does not look back. It also has what is my favorite hardcore/punk song from the trio and that is Heart Attack Man:
Heart Attack Man weighs in at 275, the Nine Pound Cocksmucker weighs in at 9 pounds.
Back to the music. I have a hard time picking which Beastie’s album is my favorite, last week it was Check Your Head and I often think Hello Nasty is the one…or wait, is it Paul’s Boutique? I guess my point is you can’t go wrong with any of the Beastie’s titles, Ill Communication just happens to be the one I pick when boxed into a corner, with too much gum in my mouth and my fly down.
You could pick any of the songs and not be dissapointed , but I think I would be remiss if I didn’t include here one of the best songs and videos ever, and you cute little Sally slutfuckers know what it’s going to be, don’t you?
Has there ever been a cooler band? Ever?
Are you thinking about Color Me Badd or Georgia Satellites? They are not quite there but the former does spell bad with two d’s. Pretty fucking cool, right?
Do you have Ill Communication on Vinyl? If not check out our record store links and buy from one of them!
What is Your favorite Beastie Boy’s Album? That is a great question because all the answers are wonderful…Paul’s Boutique made the most top ten lists on our app TriYou in its last iteration, I am curious to see if that is the case this time. I also think there last album Hot Sauce Committee Part Two does not get talked about enough, do you?
I will leave you with one last question, posited by the Jerky Boys.
Do you ever shine your nuts with the telephone?