Vinyl Pull No. 65 The Columbus Vinyl Crawl

How do you define success?  Money? Love? Career? Hand Lotion?


Is it drinking seventeen and a half beers, waking up and not having pissed on your best friend’s couch?

We’re getting closer!

Success for me is:

Getting to completion from a dry hump in the self check out line at Kroger.

Getting milk from a bull.

Zubaz pants.

Spelling diarrhea correctly (I used spell check).

Getting a perm in just the back of your head.  I did that when I was 7.  My parents let that fucking happen!

I would, however, like to talk about a different kind of success—the kind that requires a group of people working together and having fun—not as fun as dry humping but still worth mentioning.

I’m talking about our first vinyl crawl.  We would like to thank all the participants!  I have to say we were shocked at how many made it to all 7 stores, that was awesome.  We would also like to thank, in no particular order, White Claw (Stanten Jones), CD 92.9 (Tom Butler and Don The Idea Guy) Little Rock Bar (Quinn and the staff) and the record stores:

RPM, Lost Weekend, Used Kids, Spoonful, Elizabeth’s, The Needle Exchange, and Magnolia Thunderpussy. With all the wonderful help from those listed above I think we can call the crawl a success, or if you prefer you can call it a suckfest.

I’d also like to thank all those who provided us with top ten lists—I will post some of those soon and hope to see you all post them in our app—TriYou– which should be fully functional and ready to go very shortly.

I know most of you would have preferred the grand prize being a slow dance followed by a deep dry hump, but I was a little tired.  We plan on doing another crawl this fall and I will try my best to be ready for a sweet dry hump. Where should I buy the trousers?

We hope to see you all out for the next one and we promise to make it even better.

Until then I will keep you updated on our app, keep talking bullshit on this blog, eat pounds of canned fruit in heavy syrup and if I get the opportunity—strangle a bald eagle with my bare hands.

Here is an idea for another big prize but I’m not entirely sure we can make it happen.

The winner gets to wax and bleach Ted Nugent’s asshole while he sings you a lullaby.

If anybody has Sweaty Teddy’s contact info let us know!

56 thoughts on “Vinyl Pull No. 65 The Columbus Vinyl Crawl

  1. Such a great and fun event. Everyone that participated was awesome…and a little less wealthy after the day was over. Can’t wait for the next one.

  2. Columbus zoo has got a few if you’re serious about the bald eagle strangling. I’ll try to stop you, but I’ll still help you break in and try. I’ll give you at least a fifteen second head start but when me and my new eagle friends end up dry humping over your barely concious body, I don’t want to hear any complaints.

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