I was here for the 80s, dicking around on my BMX bike and getting boners watching Who’s The Boss, enthralled by Tony Danza. I just wasn’t old enough to really enjoy the golden age of cocaine. So naturally I have never really experienced the elation that is whispered to come from boofing blow. If it wasn’t for fentanyl, we could all have something exciting to do on the weekends, but cocaine isn’t the only thing you can boof. Here is yet another list, this one being five things that could possibly replace the nose beer, if you shoot them up your silly asshole in just the right way:
Gasoline (if the price goes down)
A box of dry red wine with salmon
4 racquet balls
The last, and the best, you would need help and dedication from a good friend, that being:
Getting on all fours and having said companion softly sing Ted Nugent lyrics straight into you.
None of that, however, will be as good as reading the second half of Ian’s list of top ten 80s synth pop albums. If you have forgotten Ian is the owner of a great record store, The Needle Exchange located at 4290 Indianola Ave Suite 201. Go there! They have a great selection and really great prices. Here is that list:
JJ Burrell “Euroman Cometh”
The next two entires on this list are solo synth efforts from punk band musicians. JJ (who played bass in The Stranglers) comes out swinging with this *kind of* concept album about European idealism. A lot of Suicide vibes with primitive drum machines and sick synth lines. Great stuff
Pete Shelley “Homosapien”
The first of a few solo albums from Pete Shelley (frontman of OG pop punkers, The Buzzcocks), “Homosapien”, was probably one more good hook away from being a breakout hit. Lots of fun to be had here and the title track is an underrated queer anthem. (yes, hi, I am the only open queer record store owner in the state of Ohio)
A Flock of Seagulls “A Flock of Seagulls”
The self titled second album from AFOS. Once again, more than just the hit “I Ran”, this record shines in space age synth exploration. I was eating in Cleveland’s Happy Dog before I was to play a gig there as the entire record played, I must have missed “I Ran” on a smokebreak as the album finished I asked the bartender who that was and almost fell out of my chair learning it was A Flock of Seagulls.
Gina X Performance “Nice Mover”
Okay. This came out in 1979 but I’m calling a mulligan. Gina X Performance was a German synth pop band fronted by Gina Kikoine, a queer woman of color. “No GDM” is the standout here and one I always put on mixtapes for friends. A funky, dark, club bop about being perfect, sheer and queer. You’re welcome.
Yellow Magic Orchestra “X Multiples”
Funny, irreverent and hardcore synth pop from Japan (Yup, another product of the late 70’s but this one edges in with a release in 1980). These dudes picked up everything kraftwerk were putting down and turned the tempo way the fuck up. Early hi-NRG from across the sea, baby!
Shit. Okay here’s a bonus and a rabbit hole for you to go down on your own time. Patrick Cowley. Start with the “School Daze” comp and go crazy. Worked with Sylvester and Georgio, also did music for gay porn. An incredible dude. A sonic Sorcerer.
Also Ian is in a great band, in my estimation, Terrestrials and they are playing at Half Baked Brewery on May 6th.