Patrick Bateman American Psycho music monologue

I have not been watching many sports on television or in the bathroom for that matter.  I did have on a sports talk program yesterday and they were talking about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock across the face.  I think it would have been more of a sport if Will Smith would have jerked him off to completion in that same amount of time, maybe that will happen at the Oscars next year, who will the players be!!!????

Do you want to hear my favorite sports moment ever?

Of course, you do!

My cousin Seth and I used to bartend at a BW3’s in Columbus.  They would broadcast the UFC fights and as you can imagine we would get filled to the brim with seething assholes.  One particular asshole asked Seth (while Seth was overwhelmingly busy and a little flustered) who he wanted to win the main card.  Seth smiled widely and calmly said, “I don’t care, I just hope somebody dies.” I can’t describe the man’s expression other than shocked and almost grief stricken.  He walked away shaking his head and I laughed for about a half an hour.

I know Huey Lewis has an album titled sports, because Patrick Bateman references it in American Psycho.  I had to think hard about an album that had even a song about sports that I really liked, other than what might be the most sophisticated song ever—The Eye of the Tiger

I used to like Queen’s Another one Bites the Dust.  As a toddler I played it over and over on my portable record player that had disco lights.

BUT today is for Pavement’s Watery, Domestic.  This is my favorite E.P. ever I do believe.  It is only 4 songs long, but they are all gems.  It starts off with dissonant and almost haunting guitar tones that catch the ear and pull you in for what is a great, albeit short ride.

One thing about Malkmus I love are his lyrics, which often I have no idea what he is talking about, but I somehow know they are wonderful.  On the first track, Texas Never Whispers, he sings— “She’s so lackadaisical should have been a west coast bride.” I like that!

Why is this a sports album you may ask.  I may answer it isn’t but on the song Lions he speaks about a goal line stance on 4th and 2.  It is a great track too, would have made the Huey Lewis album much better if it was on it, I think.

https://youtu.be/0pPlos2i7Ys

This E.P. came out just after Pavement’s debut, Slanted and Enchanted and works as a nice bridge before their next full release, Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain.  As I said all four songs are superb in my opinion and one of my very favorites that Malmus penned closes the album out,Shoot the Singer. “Someone took in these pants, someone painted over paint, painted wood.”

https://youtu.be/8n9YWNX4rOk

I picked this up at Lost Weekend records in Columbus several years ago but I have not seen it in any stores recently.  If you don’t have it check the our record store links and see if you can find it.

I am going to try and find a rerun of my favorite sports show, Short Dicks, Tallboys and Virginia Slims.

78 thoughts on “Vinyl Pull No. 51

  1. Malkmus has such great lyrics. Also, a hand job WOULD have been more interesting at the Oscars I think

  2. Center Field is the only sports song I can think of . John Forgerty not a bad musician

  3. You’re so interesting! I don’t suppose I’ve truly read something like that before. So good to find another person with some unique thoughts on this issue. Really.. thanks for starting this up. This site is something that is required on the web, someone with a little originality.

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