I awoke today hearing a Zoom meeting between my girlfriend and her co-workers. I am constantly amazed by work-place rhetoric and what passes as humorous and honestly astounded at what is tolerated. No wonder kids think adults are just a bunch of clueless assholes. Here are some of the gems I have heard throughout my illustrious time spent in the workforce. I absolutely HATE these and think they are criminal ways to open a line of communication.
Put this in your crack pipe and smoke it.
Living the dream.
I can’t adult today.
It occurs to me I have worked among some terrible human beings, but I’m not here to simply rant, may I offer some alternatives? Of course, I can.
It’s Monday, chew my fat pussy, Roger.
Put this in your rectum and do me a cartwheel.
I dreamt your husband fucked me last night, Carole.
I can’t ejaculate without blacking out, today.
I think any workplace environment could benefit greatly from these, and while I’m being positive, here is a saying that can help in almost any day-to-day challenge one faces and that is,
“Two in your hand is worth gum in the bush”.
I think it’s useful to remind yourself of this multiple times a day to keep your spirits up and combat that morally defunct gibberish like,
“Your fingers stink like a homeless butt-fuck party”.
Wait, I like that one.
I LOVE the above album, Magnolia Electric Co. by Songs Ohia and its opener, Farewell Transmission. I think it’s a perfect way to open communication with the listener, albeit a one-way channel but there is no adequate response for something so powerful, in my opinion. Also, it is my opinion that this is one of the greatest opening songs to any album ever, enough so that it deserves all the attention of this Vinylpull. I picked up this album last week with Leon at R.P.M. records just North of Ohio State’s campus. I have listened to it for years and frankly I often only listen to the first track, it’s so intense and beautiful it’s hard to top. I think having it on vinyl now will help me give the rest of the album the attention it deserves. It was produced by Steve Albini, who many of you may know from In Utero fame, but he has produced a countless number of great albums, look him up if your so inclined.
Back to Farewell Transmission. This song gives me an almost nauseous feeling, like I could laugh and cry at the same time. From the very first moment I heard it I knew I found something wonderful, or more accurately, it was given to me. Back when TriYou was just a website and streaming services weren’t yet a thing, a fellow member of TriYou mailed a copy of this album from California all the way to me in Ohio and I am still grateful. I mailed him a copy of the Patrick Suskind novel, Perfume along with a classy picture of my then tight and bright pink biker shorts.
Farewell Transmission is a very strong song lyrically as well, some of my favorite lines include:
“The real truth about it is, no one gets it right. The real truth about it is, we’re all supposed to try.”
And this poetic and a bit enigmatic powerhouse,
“Momma, here comes midnight with the dead moon in its jaw. Must be the big star about to fall.”
I think you should just listen. It may tighten your sack and give you goosebumps.
Don’t take any fingers that you haven’t pre-approved.