Let me share with all you hippies, neophytes, wanna be gangsters, pseudo-sluts, chronic masturbators, anal teasers and durg addicts a direct message I received from a user named Cortex Ezell on Twitter (DM means direct message, I thought it stood for dilapidated mammary).  Here it is exactly as I received it:

“Yoo sup welcome and sorry if I indulge into your privacy we are grower and producers of medical marijuana strain for both smoker and patient also got coke, edible, lsd acid, pills,cbd oil,wax, guns, steroids and syrup including vape cartridges available…..we do discrete shipping and delivery wondering if you interested”.

If he didn’t sound so fucking intelligent, I would have given it no more thought.  But I wondered, what is a smart fella like him doing selling narcotics online.  Then I forgot about it until a few days later when he began raping me again with DMs:

Wassup mate Fri 5:04 PM

Wassup just wondering if ya interested let me know ☺️?

??

If interested in this bra…?

Wassup with ya ya not even giving me a message just giving me blue thicks 👀

I was curious but only responded, “Don’t Need anything, thanks.”

And Cortex…I feel I can call him Cortex now said,

“Man I just need but ya reply than ya seeing my message without replying na problem …but can ya shout me out to ya friends …?? If you’re gonna pardon me man..”

As much as I like Cortex and clearly, he is a man of culture and taste, I blocked him.  My first block, if you don’t count cockblocks.

I thought this was an appropriate preamble to today’s album by The Osees, Metamorphosed.  I do believe it would be a good one to enjoy on some or all the substances Cortex mentioned above.  I know a lot of people like to get under the influence and stare right into their dogs’ assholes.  I prefer music and good old grass.  This album is a great stoner album and very recent so some of you may not have heard it.  Peel your eyes away from your pet and give it a good listen, it starts off with a nice punch in the mouth for the first two tracks and then settles into a mesmerizing groove.  It shocks the system and eases you into all the great sounds.

The 1st side ends with the Virologist and at one point the guitar tone suggests Jimi Hendrix:

https://youtu.be/T03jMP7AtIM

That is a great way to get you ready for the flipside which is one of the best tracks the Osees have recorded in my opinion and one of my favorite B-sides on any album.  It recalls Pink Floyd and The Who at times but feels in no way derivative.  The percussive groove grabs hold and carries you to the end trying to wipe that silly smile off your face, whether it is from the weed or your dog’s anus. It’s much better to just listen, high or not. Its over 23 minutes long and never boring:

https://youtu.be/pxtDPKOyL4s

I picked this up for 20 dollars new at Lost Weekend Records, and it’s pressed on a beautiful, bright royal vinyl.  You should go there now and get it.

As for me I’m considering un-blocking Cortex and asking if he could give me a two-fingered PCP enema.

31 thoughts on “Vinyl Pull No. 33

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